Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
