i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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