im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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