I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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