I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
