How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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