I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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