So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
