i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
