Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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