I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We just shotgunned beers for America
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
