jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
