Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
cat food counts as protein by the way
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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