kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
