It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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