he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
