I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize