But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
