Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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