not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
