hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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