Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sext me about skeletons
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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