I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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