he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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