Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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