Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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