Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
