Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
