i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Apparently you make a good broom.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
how drunk are you?
Several
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
