Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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