You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
