I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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