Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
