Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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