Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
