Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
