I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's the barista slut.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
