his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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