I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
