Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
