Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
