do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize