dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
