Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
