I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
