my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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