i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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