He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
