how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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