her vagine was all disorganized.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
