I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
