So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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