I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
