I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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