In America we eat man semen.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
