drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
