I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
