i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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