Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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