I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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