did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
