She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
